Category Archives for recovery
Why you hate being the centre of attention
The room goes quiet. Suddenly everyone is looking at me. I start to feel my face flush. My insides begin to squirm. I want to be anywhere but here. The feeling of all those people looking at me, expecting something. My mouth goes dry. I swallow. Will myself into saying something. Anything. As long as it is […]
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The definitive guide to parental narcissistic abuse (and recovery)
You may already be thinking, why does your relationship with your parents feel so out? Life might feel overwhelming, confusing and lonely as a consequence. Sometimes, it’s hard to know what you feel or how to shake off the anxiety and second guessing. If you’ve landed here, you might already have an inkling that one […]
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The real reason you don’t get heard
It happens again and again. You express a need. It’s met with denial, outrage or dismissal. You’re left bewildered. On the verge of collapse or maybe rage. You’re told you come across as controlling or domineering. It’s hard to calibrate how you ask for things, when you aren’t used to doing it. Or have low expectations of getting those needs […]
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How I stopped being a self-help junky
There was a time in my life when I would never ask for help. Even now, it’s not my first instinct. I’m used to sorting out my problems by myself. Call me a self-help specialist, if you will. Ironic for a therapist, I’d say. You might say it’s independence. Or some might describe it as stubbornness. At the heart, though, I think […]
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The simplest strategy to get your needs met
This is perhaps the hardest thing for the people pleaser. To get your emotional needs met. You’re so used to supporting others, putting them first, finding the way to their bliss ahead of yours. A lot of the time you go along with it. Either turning a blind eye to how you feel or perhaps not […]
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4 steps to stop second guessing yourself [video]
Why is it so hard to stick with a decision? How is it that, even when you feel solid, you come back over your choices? Doubt yourself. Question your smartness. Or integrity. Or value in making a choice. In this short video I look at the issue of second guessing yourself and why it’s such a big […]
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The simple way to stop your unhealthy guilt
Your stomach does a flip. Your face gets hot. Your body tightens. Your breath gets more shallow. You start to sweat a bit. The feeling of guilt washes over you. But why? When you stop to think a moment, what did you do? You’re sat at lunch with your family. You mum looks over at you. Says nothing. […]
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Overcoming anxiety after narcissistic abuse
You’re in a cold sweat. Anxious thoughts are running through your mind again. You stop to ask yourself: Why am I feeling this way? Anxiety and narcissistic abuse go hand in hand. It’s probably the one thing, alongside depression, that most sends people to get help, whether they know they were raised by a narcissist or not. This video […]
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Boundaries: 8 rock solid ways to set them after narcissistic abuse
Your phone beeps. It’s another late night request for help. ‘Can you just pop round tomorrow to sort out the…?’ The doorbell rings. Your parent is at the door unannounced. ‘I found this great new top for you and while I’m here I’ve been wanting to sort out that messy cupboard of yours for a while.’ ‘Your […]
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After narcissistic abuse: 10 reasons you won’t ask for help
You say to yourself: It’s not that bad. These difficulties you have with mum or dad could be worse. Maybe it’s you, not them. Maybe you’re imagining things. If you’ve experienced parental narcissistic abuse or emotional neglect, it’s really hard to find your internal compass. So what can you do? Well being here is a great start. This post […]
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